my quest to become a better girlPosted: April 27, 2012
as my intensive job-searching has turned up nothing, (and by intensive job search, i mean sitting on the world wide web for 5 hours a day looking at pictures of cats and sending out, on average, two resumes per week, and when my mother asks me if i have found anything interesting, just being like “no, not really. i just want something creative, i don’t want to be a secretary!”) i have decided that maybe i’m among those who just weren’t meant to work.
i wouldn’t consider myself a feminist by any stretch of the imagination, and i don’t think anyone who knows me well would either. some might even go as far to say i set us back when i open my mouth to speak. but i can’t help it! i don’t understand, who DOESN’T yearn for the days when nothing was expected of us?
i’ve been watching mad men recently (the first season, when it was still cool), and joan the busty redhead keeps being like, “oh, these men! i wish we were equal!”
STFU joan! you know what your “job” is? your job is to look smokin’ and stand around an office. occasionally get drunk at work and deal with everyone making comments about how they would like to hit that. why can’t that be my job? i would totally do that! i could be great at that! and peggy? that bitch gets to write copy! if she does well it’s like, “oh wow, peggy, you really are a special girl.” if she sucks it’s like, “oh well, we should have known, back to the typewriter with you!” there is literally no pressure. no way to lose. and you don’t even have to have a job! most chickadees are just chilling out at home waiting for their men to come home, cooking pot roasts and shit! where is that on monster.com?
i also present for your consideration my other favorite girly indulgence, downton abbey. those bitches don’t have to do anything! they sit around in, essentially, a castle, and give orders to servants. so you have to marry some dude that you aren’t totally in love with. boo-motherfucking-hoo. it is called maintaining a lifestyle, bitches, and you have to make sacrifices. why you gotta be a nurse? why you gotta learn to drive a car? just sit happily in your castle and do needlepoint you crazy wenches!
anyways, since i have pretty much determined that i will not do well in an office environment where they actually require me to work, i have decided to focus on my domesticity. i want to say that it is bad form to settle down and have kids purely because you are too lazy to do anything else and this seems like the easiest way out, but…i won’t.
so, in my quest to become permanently stay-at-home-under-any-circumstances, i’ve decided to really focus on trying to become the person that i present myself as on pintrest. and i think maybe this really is making me a better person. i’m definitely more helpful around the house, because every household chore or problem is a way to show off. you’ve got too many scarves and need a practical yet creative way to store/display them? hmm, i think i have an idea!
so far i’ve cleaned out my whole room in order to make a “craft space” for the many creative and life-changing things i plan on doing in the future.
i’ve also covered all the light-switches and outlets in my room in washi tape. this was actually almost accidental. i read on a blog about a girl doing this to her laptop with washi tape. “THIS,” i said to myself, “THIS is the way to make my macbook stand out once and for all during the next trip to starbucks!” riding on the wave of endorphins brought on by my own self-satisfaction of my personal creativity, i rolled over to target, only to find that they only had one variety. am i going to do my laptop in only one pattern? fuck no! then it doesn’t resemble a charming quilt, see? it would ruin the whole vibe! now i’m stuck with this weird tape that was too expensive to use as actual tape. i COULD order some off of esty, but i just don’t know if i’m ready to commit to that level of creative crafting yet. i don’t know if i could handle actually having an esty account. but, i digress.
for my cousin’s 21st birthday, i was put in charge of wrapping her gift. keeping with the new theme of my life, i wrapped it in brown packing paper WITH TWINE AND BUNTING DETAILS. really doesn’t get more crafty-pintrest-esty-shitty-shit than that.